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Star Blecch
Star Blecch is a take-off of Star Trek. This segment is from MAD Season 1, Episode 4:' '[[Star Blecch / uGlee|'Star Blecch / uGlee']]. Summary Can Captain Jerk put aside his differences with Mr. Schlock to save Earth? References *[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_wars Star Wars] *Schlock *[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_Age_(movie) Ice Age] *Gene Roddenberry *[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_10_(TV_series) Ben 10] *Megan Fox *Pirates of the Caribbean (possibly) MAD References *Rejected Toy Story 3 Characters (5-second Cartoon) *Gossip Hurl (5-second Cartoon) *Beauty Tips with Megan Fox (Channel 2 on TV) Characters *Captain Zero (Nero) *George Kirk *Winona Kirk *James T. Jerk (James T. Kirk) *Abora (Nyota Uhura) *Montgomery Scott *Thugs *Captain Christopher Pike *Schlock (Spock) *Slack-off (Pavel Chekov) *Toodle-oo (Hikaru Sulu) *Amanda Grayson (Ate romulan for lunch) *S'chn T'gai Sarek *Manny *Sid *Diego *Luke Skywalker *Wampa *R2-D2 *Future Schlock (He hates the Star Blecch DVD) *Bizz the Friendly Fax (5-second Cartoon) *Girl from Gossip Hurl (5-second Cartoon) Transcript [The segment begins with everyone aboard the Federation starship USS Kelvin currently under attack by the Romulan super-mining vessel Narada, screaming and panicking, with everything going kablooie. Captain Zero appears on screen.] Captain Zero: USS Kelvin, (shows Captain Richard's dead body with a crunch) I killed your captain and left your ship plummeting towards destruction. 1st Officer George Kirk: Let's do this-- phone rings Honey, I'm right in the middle of somethin'. Winona Kirk: But I'm about to deliver our babeeeee... both start to struggle, then Winona has her baby taken out and George finishes going to the bathroom George Kirk: Whew. Last time I eat Romulan for lunch. Winona Kirk: The ship's gonna crash! George Kirk: Ohh! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! Winona Kirk: You have to make it. George Kirk: Don't know if I can... it's out of control! STATUS: OUT OF CONTROL Say goodbye to our son for me! Winona Kirk: I'll send you his picture! takes a picture of the baby's face. George Kirk: STATUS: NICE :) I did it! I regained control of the ship. I'm alive! [Comms chirped. George opens his phone looks at his son's face in it, revealing to be... *record scratch* Alfred E. Newman?! Caption: UR A DADDY! ;)] George Kirk: The heck I am. [Out of second thoughts, George slams the Self-Destruct button, causing the USS Kelvin to go BOOM! with him. The title card appears, Star Blecch] 20 YEARS LATER James T. Jerk: Hi, I'm James T. Jerk. Abora: I'm Abora! James T. Jerk: yawn You're telling me. Montgomery Scott: This jerk needs to be taught a lesson. James T. Jerk: For yawning? Montgomery Scott: No! For stealing the bar scene from Star Wars! more thugs show up, they start beating up James until Captain Christopher Pike shows up Captain Christopher Pike: That's enough. of them kicks him one more time, James gets up looking severly damaged Captain Christopher Pike: You should be in Starfleet instead of a bar, young man. James T. Jerk: Why? Look where it got my father. Captain Christopher Pike: Your father was the captain of a Starship for 12 minutes - granted he was on the toilet for ten of those, but... I dare you to do better. James T. Jerk: Well then, pass me those nachos. [And with that was Jerk enlisted to the USS'' Enterprise'', flagship of Starfleet. James finishes going to the USS Enterprise's bathroom with a bagful of nachos] James T. Jerk: Whew! That was for you, dad. Schlock: Welcome to Starfleet. This is Slack-Off... Slack-Off: snore Schlock: Mr. Toodle-oo... Toodle-oo: Toodle-oo! Schlock: And I am Captain-- [Captain Zero hails the Enterprise, ''giving Schlock and Jerk a scare] '''Captain Zero': SCHLOCK! I finally found you, and now I will destroy your home planet with my drill. Schlock: It can do that? Zero switches into infomercial mode. Captain Zero: That's not all it can do. Order now and we'll throw in this destructive red goo (shows a jar of red matter). That's the drill and the red goo for just $19.99! Plus, order in the next five minutes and we'll also throw in this free oven mitt! James T. Jerk: I've got to destroy that drill! Schlock: I got to save my family! Toodle-oo: I gotta get that oven mitt! Slack-Off: snore Schlock: Energize. beam Toodle-oo: Toodle-oo! beam Amanda Grayson: Schlock! Schlock: Mother. Father. No time to explain - this planet is going to explode. S'chn T'gai Sarek: So's your mother - she had Romulan for lunch again. Poot! beam farts Amanda Grayson: Ohh, I should hit the toilet again before we go. Schlock: Nooooo! Planet Vulcan (which oddly looks like Earth now) is reduced to space debris by the Narada's assault. Amanda Grayson: Ohh. I feel so much better. beam James T. Jerk: Hey I stopped the drill, did you save your m-- grabs Jerk before he can finish Schlock: Don't say it... or I will kick you off this ship. brief pause James T. Jerk: Mum's the word. incapacitates James and places him in an escape pod and jettisons him off the ship, sending him to planet Delta Vega. Jerk climbs out and dusts his hands. James T. Jerk: Vulcan idiot! woolly mammoth scares James and runs away, soon it reveals to be Manny, Sid and Diego showing up. Manny: I'' gotta'' work on my greetings. keeps running until he goes into a cave, then he smashes right into a mysterious person and falls down. James T. Jerk: Ben Kenobi? Future Schlock: I am Schlock from the future. Zero marooned me here, forced to witness the most unspeakable act. James T. Jerk: The destruction of your planet? Future Schlock: No, the rest of this movie on DVD. out the Star Blecch DVD. Luckily, I think I found a way off this snowcone. Luke Skywalker: Uhh, little help? Anyone? beam Schlock: I thought I kicked you off this ship. James T. Jerk: Yeah, but someone old and wise said I'm supposed to be the captain. Schlock: Was it Future Schlock? James T. Jerk: No, it was Gene Roddenberry, the guy who created Star Blecch, you moron! Now''' move over!' Schlock off the captain's chair and takes over '''Captain Zero': SCHLOCK! Abora: Ugh. Dosen't this TV get any other channels? changes the channel to [[Beauty Tips with Megan Fox], then she changes it to Ben 10 Alien Force iteration.] Abora: Oh, good! Ben 10!''' Zero regains control of the screen, though. Captain Zero: SCHLOCK!!! Schlock: This is... illogical. Captain Zero: That I continue to stalk you? Schlock: No, that anyone can follow the plot of this movie. We already stolen so much from Star Wars, let's just steal the ending too to Captain Jerk, dressed like Han Solo James T. Jerk: She's all yours, kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home. [With one blitzkrieg assault, Wampa and R2-D2 in an X-Wing go into the Narada, fire off two proton torpedoes into the heart of the ship then the ship explodes a lá A new Hope. Wampa and R2-D2 go back to their ship, Schlock and James high-five then Schlock turns around] Schlock: Wow! This mission has aged the crap out of me. Future Schlock: I am not a mirror, I am you from the future. Schlock: Did you come back to wish me luck? Future Schlock: No, to get my money back. This DVD sucks! out the Star Blecch DVD again. James T. Jerk: Slack-Off, give him his money back. Mr. Toodle-oo, warp speed. Toodle-oo: Toodle-oo! [The USS Enterprise goes into Warp, going into where no man has gone before and beyond, and the segment ends] [[5-second Cartoon|'5-second Cartoon']] Captain Zero: SCHLOCK! Bizz the Friendly Fax: DE-DOOT-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! Trivia *The title is a reference to MAD Magazine issue #115 on December 1967. *Alfred E. Neuman appeared as the baby. *Goof: James T. Jerk was wore Han Solo outfit, until Captain Zero's ship destroyed, James T. Jerk returned to his Star Bleech outfit. *The channels on the Enterprise TV were: *#Captain Zero *#Beauty Tips with Megan Fox *#''Ben 10'' *Antagonist: Captain Zero *Protagonist: James T. Jerk *Beauty Tips with Megan Fox would later appear as a segment in the same episode this is in. *Note two also cause of TV-PG-L due to saying "sucks" in the end. *This is the second segment that the name of a MAD parody is said. The first was [[TransBOREmores|'TransBOREmores']]. *When James T. Jerk says "mum's the word", this could possibly be a reference to the Pirates of the Caribbean short, "Tales of the Code: Wedlocked". Category:Movie Parodies Category:Transcripts Category:Movie Segment Category:Segments